Ted the Cat Won’t Play the Fame Game

a – Ted deep in though May 2011

I was fooling around on Facebook the other day, checking out fan pages.  I couldn’t help but give Ted a hard time about his.  “Two hundred eighty-two fans is better than no fans at all,” I told him,  “But Garfield has 2,841,037, and Garfield’s washed-up.”  Ted feigned indifference.  “You’re a literary cat,” I said, “the descendant of Archy and Mehitabel.  But Garfield makes jokes about it being Monday.  And then he makes jokes about it being Friday.  And for every Facebook fan you have, he has—Ted, pay attention to me when I’m talking—ten thousand fans.” Ted stood up and stretched, then—somewhat haughtily, if I wasn’t mistaken—rearranged himself on the top of the bureau and went to sleep.  Later, however, I found this on the computer screen.

i would never count fans
but if i did i would point out
that i have more fans than

james k. polk
who took us to war against mexico
and got us california

you can get elected president
of the united states of america
and wind up with 115 facebook fans

archy and mehitabel
to whom i owe everything
have 36 facebook fans

don marquis
who created archy and mehitabel
has 171 facebook fans

prince otto of bavaria
who became the first king of modern greece
has–count ’em–29

when mickey mantle threw behind the runner rounding first
he threw to slugging first baseman moose skowron
moose skowron’s got 87 fans

by the way that’s more than the first king of modern greece
though fewer than fay wray who set king kong’s heart aflame
she certainly deserves more than 183 fans

actor paul schofield won the oscar for “a man for all seasons”
and he was a marvelous art-loving nazi in “the train”
but today he’s a dead guy with 194 fans

meanwhile lady gaga has 40,812,398
and eminem’s got 43,566,021
and even eric cantor’s got 114,363

all this convinces me not to count my beloved fans
but rather to invite them all to come shake hands
or paws as the case may be

p.s. which is not to say it that would do any harm 
if you were to hit the ”like” button anyway
hint hint