The great ones make it look easy. Ted lives by the old maxim: “Never let them see you sweat.” And it’s true. We have never seen him sweat. We have seen him emit other fluids, but not sweat.Here are 7 Habits of Ted the Cat. Taken together, they illuminate his extraordinary range of skills, his instinctive command of his surroundings, his mastery of tactics. And all of these gifts brought to bear with an aplomb that belies his standing as a mere companion animal.
1. If you are sipping hot coffee, lifting a spoonful of soup to your lips, or carefully writing a Christmas card, Ted will butt your elbow.
2. No matter where you choose to sit or lie down, Ted’s already there, asleep.
3. If you’ve laid the newspaper neatly alongside your plate so that you can read while you’re eating, Ted will climb up on the table, determine which article you want to read, and lie down on it.
4. If you empty the litter box, scrub it till it gleams, and refill it with clean litter, Ted will go that very minute.
5. Ted will wait until you have wrapped yourself in a blanket and are completely, blissfully engrossed in a TV show before he’ll emit a series of violent gagging sounds, then chuck his dinner up on the carpet.
6. If you are wearing anything black, Ted will not rest until you pick him up. As soon as he’s shed on you, he’ll jump down.
7. Given the choice of sleeping by your side or on your face, Ted will choose your face.
I believe it was Shakespeare who said (well, almost), ”age cannot whither Ted, nor custom stale his infinite variety.” That’s how we trash-talk our house cats here at 317am. So . . . whaddya got?
Ted the Cat (1994-present) is a domestic shorthair blogger and vers libre poet. He also enjoys sleeping, eating, and lurking. Ted the Cat co-habits with Kaze,
also a blogger at 317am.net.
I've been owned by a few cat's and they all exibit such qualities… My sisters cat enjoys the computer keyboard.
Larry
Memo: The title was a concern because of the Covey thing, but Legal argued there should be no problem since everyone recognizes that Ted is not highly effective.
My cats exhibit those seven habits as well. My Marcie also has an eighth… If we dare to continue to snooze past what she considers to be her breakfast time, she'll jump up on my nightstand and pull the Kleenex out of the box one by one (with her mouth) until I get up! I wonder if the Kleenex people would like to see a video…
Hell, I'd like to see a video, Lillie Mae. Ted used to wake us by head-butting the bedroom door, over and over and over. Didn't seem to bother him, but it sure amazed us.
I think Marcie the Cat should definitely submit a video to Kleenex for consideration in a possible Spokescat role. Kleenex may even want to sponsor Marcie to teach other cats this skill. I am sure Kleenex would love to see as many tissues being used and wasted as possible, so that owners must purchase more.
Whattawegot? Five of those, or rather: they got us.
They are all in their 14th and 15th year, act like teenagers, but want to be treated with due respect.
Whattawegot? Lemme tell ya … oy and vey.
Ha! You're a tougher breed than I am, Deborah.
Here's Arjun Basu, the guy who tweets short stories on Twitter: "He studied the photos and felt the totality of his loss. He wanted to cry but it didn't feel manly. I'll never own a cat again, he lamented." Another cat story, but maybe Ted is more interesting.